In-Laws

I came across an article on Yahoo the other day that was about "10 Things Never to Say to Your Mother In Law." It included things such as "I didn't ask your opinion," "Why didn't you teach your son to..." and "I hope I inherit your armoire." I felt it was a straightforward article that was simply trying to get across the point that you shouldn't be mean to your MIL. Boy did it strike a chord with some of the people who commented on the article though! There were some truly vicious comments people left about their MIL's and I just couldn't stop thinking about the whole topic for the last several days. I am very fortunate in that I get along really well with my in-laws, but even if you don't see eye to eye with your spouse's family, here's a few of thoughts that might help:

1) I am called to show the love of Jesus to everyone, no matter who they are or how they behave.

As a Christian, I believe I am called to live in a way that shines Jesus' love to everyone I come in contact with, whether that is the teller at my bank, the homeless person on the corner of the street, the atheist who cusses me out and mocks my beliefs, the barista who makes my coffee at Starbucks, or my Mother in Law.

"You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing out of the ordinary? Don't even the Gentiles do the same?" -Matthew 5:43-47 (Holman Christian Standard translation)

I'm not called to simply tolerate or put up with other people, I'm called to love them the way Jesus loves them. The Bible gives us an excellent description of what Jesus' love looks like in action. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that when we love someone, we will be patient with them, we will be kind to them, we won't envy what they have, we won't brag about ourselves to them or be focused on ourselves when interacting with them, we won't act improperly around them, we won't be easily provoked by them, and we won't keep a mental record of any way they have wronged us. 

2) The only thing that can enable me to truly love others is to spend time alone in the presence of God, getting to know Him and receiving His love.

I don't know about you, but showing Biblical love can seem really difficult (if not impossible) at times. The only way we can love others like this is to have been in the presence of Jesus, receiving His love. When I realize the fullness of God's love for me, it transforms me and overflows to the people around me.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another... We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:7-11, 19

3) The only actions I am accountable for are my own but God can use my actions to change another person.

The only person's actions I can control are my own. God calls me to trust Him to hold others accountable for their actions and to leave justice up to Him.

"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the LORD. 'But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -Romans 12:17-21

I especially love the part that says, "So far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." I have experienced such great freedom in the realization that I am only responsible for me. If I have done everything within my power to be loving and kind towards someone, yet they still choose to repay me with hostility/meanness/rudeness, that's on them.

Our culture teaches us that if someone hurts us, we have every right to get back at them. But God offers us a higher road to take. If we choose to show kindness to someone who doesn't deserve it, God can use that to deeply convict that person and possibly bring about a change in them. If you can grasp a hold of how much of a power bomb kindness is, how much more effective it is than retaliation and bitterness, it will change your life.

4) My relationship with my Mother In Law does not have to go along with the world's expectations.

Just because the world's expectation is that the relationship between a man's wife and his mother will more than likely be strained, competitive, conniving, etc. it does not mean I have to go that route and feed the stereotype. In fact, the story of one of the most beautiful relationships between two women can be found in the Book of Ruth between Ruth (a Moabitess) and Naomi, her Jewish Mother In Law. Naomi lived in Moab with her husband, their two sons, and their sons' wives for 10 years but after her husband and sons died, she decided to return to the land of Judah. Her Daughter In Law, Orpah, decides to go her separate way, but Ruth makes a beautiful declaration.

"But Ruth said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.' When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her."

I realize more and more that my Mother In Law is a woman, just like me, has fears and desires and hopes, just like me, and needs the love and grace of God, just like me. She wants to feel needed, included, valued, and respected. What woman doesn't?! The more I see her through Jesus' eyes, the more my friendship with her and love for her can grow.

Some of the things I appreciate about my MIL are that: 1) She raised the man I love and played a part in helping him become all of the things I so appreciate about him. 2) She is really good at asking questions and showing interest in what's going on in my life. 3) She has amazing gardening knowledge (something I could definitely learn from her about since I always kill my plants). 4) She is really good at coming up with practical solutions to problems.

My dad told me that my mom's mom always said to him, "I don't like being called your Mother In Law. I prefer Mother In Love," meaning that her relationship to him was so much more than just a slip of paper that said he was married to her daughter. I pray that I can be a Mother In Love to my children's spouses someday!

Robbie and I with his family at our wedding. My MIL is in the red and my FIL is on the far left.