Love Like Enamel

Well, we made it, guys! Our Dental School journey came to an end faster than I could've ever anticipated! We had a crazy busy May and June that included Jubilee's first birthday party, Robbie's Senior Banquet and graduation, moving, Robbie's graduation party, and selling our house! Robbie received his dental license and is in the process of finding a job in the area. I am shocked at how suddenly things changed but even more surprised by how normal it feels to be done with that stage of our lives. Was that really four years? Is he really a Doctor already? Yes and yes!

A Wife's Guide to Surviving Dental School

In March of 2013, I wrote a post called "How to Thrive While Your Husband's In Dental School." It has gotten nearly 3000 views making it my most popular post by far! Three years later, with less than two months to go until Robbie graduates, I thought I would reflect on that post and see how my advice has held up. Let's dive right in!

Shutterfly Albums

I don't know about you but I take a lot of photos. Digital cameras are fantastic in that you can typically view your photo instantly to make sure no one was blinking but I feel like many of the photos tend to just sit on the computer (or cell phone), tucked away in a file that will rarely be seen or shared outside the digital world of facebook or instagram. I love looking through my family's old photo albums and I wanted something physical for Robbie and I to have so our kids would get the same experience.

Then I discovered Shutterfly. For the past 5 years, I have used this excellent website to create a photo album with all our favorite memories from each year. It has the artistic and creative qualities of scrapbooking but there's no mess and, in my experience, is much cheaper!

The First 6 Months of Mommyhood

We've officially survived the first six months of parenthood! I'm not going to lie, guys; it was really rough! I can without hesitation say that lack of sleep makes me a different person. Months 4 and 5 were especially difficult as I was dealing with post-partum depression and I'm just now finally starting to feel like I'm coming out of that dark hole.

Counting Down

Guys, next week is Thanksgiving already! Two weeks after that Robbie's semester will end and he'll take the NBDE part II. Two weeks after that he starts his final semester of Dental School!!! I don't think there can be enough exclamation points on that sentence.

Where did the past 3.5 years go? Didn't we just finish the application and interview process not that long ago? And now we just ordered his Senior photos!

Freaking adorable if I do say so myself.

Two Semesters Left

We're finally here-- the first day of Robbie's 4th year in Dental School! Summer semester was lost in the haze of newborn land. Robbie was able to arrange to have his summer break (yes... two whole weeks! wow!) moved from the end of the summer to the beginning so he would have time off when Jubilee was born. This meant that his first ACTS rotation was moved to the end of the summer instead. He was also able to work it out with the school to have several of his ACTS rotations in or around Fort Collins so we have been able to spend a lot of time with our families.

Update About My Mom

Last August my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. See my first post about it here. I am excited to share that she is now almost completely done with all her treatment (which included chemo, radiation, surgery, and hormone therapy) and her doctor informed her that they could no longer see any cancer! Since finishing the full chemo treatments, her hair has grown back and she is doing really well. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words over the past year.

Here she is back in April, back to her usual crazy self!

Braxton-Hicks and Baby Kicks

At my last midwife appointment, I found out the exciting news that my Group B Strep test came back negative which means no IV needed during the birth! Woo hoo!

I've been able to get a few more things checked off my to-do list before Baby's arrival. I finally organized Baby's room by reworking the closet. We also nailed everything down with two wonderful Doulas who are going to tag-team the birth. I even started throwing a few things in my hospital bag.

Yesterday, my mom, sister, and nephew came up to visit and we went to a big indoor swim park in Arvada. They were making me laugh so hard I thought I might go into labor right there (luckily I didn't). Baby has been really active the last week and his/her kicks are getting really strong as evidenced by this video I uploaded.

I've also noticed an increase in the frequency and duration of Braxton-Hicks contractions, too. As my time for birth gets closer and closer, I've been experiencing a combination of both excitement and calm--excitement that we get to finally meet this little person that has been growing steadily inside me over the past 9 months and calm over the fact that we have surrounded ourselves with the support we need for this birth.

One thing I've done to prepare is to write down Bible verses on little cards so I can have something personal to meditate on while I go through labor.

Here are some of the verses I chose:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. -Colossians 3:15

Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. -Psalm 55:22

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

 My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. -Psalm 127:3

But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. -2 Chronicles 15:7

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD! -Psalm 27:13-14

 You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. -Psalm 32:7

By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother's womb. My praise shall be continually of You. -Psalm 71:6

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior... -Isaiah 43:2-3

There are so many unknowns that go into pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I feel that birth is meant to be untamed in a beautiful, messy sort of way. No matter how much I prepare, I am ultimately not in control and that's a good thing. When I try to take control, I am trying to be God.

How wonderful is it that God designed the first step into parenthood to be something we can't control? As a parent, I am charged with a lot of responsibilities (loving, guiding, feeding, protecting, serving, teaching, disciplining, etc.) but this little person's soul is not in my control. I cannot make them choose the right path in life. I cannot make them fall in love with God. And so, like childbirth, I prepare but, more than that, I trust.

Childbirth can be scary. Parenthood can be scary. Life can be scary! I trust my God because He has proved Himself trustworthy over and over in my life. It's not a trust that bad things can't or won't happen, but rather that no matter what happens He will use it for my good and His glory.

He loves this baby more than I or anyone else on this planet ever could.

After Dental School

It feels strange to be thinking about what our next step after Dental School will be since Robbie is still in his 3rd year. The general consensus we have heard from the faculty at the school is that by summer of your 3rd year you should have a pretty good idea of what your next step will be. I don't think it has to be anything set in stone, but knowing this far in advance will give you the time to complete any requirements before graduation.

For example, if you're wanting to specialize (Ortho, Endo, Oral Surgery, Prosth, etc.), do a GPR (General Practice Residency), or do an AEGD (Advanced Education in General Dentistry), there is an application process just like when you applied to Dental School.

There are dozens of options for directions a Dentist can take his career after school. The American Student Dental Association has an excellent website about Dental career paths. Here's the link. It includes a whole range of information from going into private practice to working for the military to teaching.

Robbie has always leaned towards private practice, especially if we can get back towards the Fort Collins area (where our families live). But opening a practice right out of Dental School is expensive and extremely stressful. A lot of the faculty have recommended what's called a Buy In/Buy Out or Delayed Buy Out. What this involves is finding a Dentist who is towards the later end of his/her career who is looking to retire but not immediately. You work with him/her to transition the practice ownership over time. Typically it starts with the new Dentist working as an associate for a year or two. After that time period, if both parties are still happy working together, the associate then buys a portion of the practice and they become co-owners. After another period of time (typically another 1-2 years), the new Dentist then buys the rest of the practice and the original owner retires.

What Robbie and I find most appealing about this set-up is that the practice owner has a mentor-type relationship to the new Dentist. The long-held patients of the original Dentist are able to get to know the new Dentist and build a trusting relationship prior to the retirement of the original Dentist. This option also saves you from having to start a practice from scratch and enables you to pay off some school debt without the added pressure of an additional $250,000 practice loan right off the bat.

There are, of course, many other paths to getting into private practice, but this is the situation that sounds most ideal for Robbie and I. Networking will be key over the coming months in order to build relationships with Dentists who are looking to retire in the appropriate time frame. We know that this may not be the path at all that God wants us to take so I need to keep praying that He will give us flexible hearts and the patience to wait for Him to show us the right way.

We've experienced a few seasons of crossroads in our marriage where big decisions needed to be made and God came through for us every single time! There are many Proverbs about decision making that I find comforting.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the road to death. -Proverbs 14:12

This verse reminds me that just because an opportunity seems ideal, doesn't mean it is. I don't have to stress over what-ifs and "missed opportunities" because God may have just been protecting me from making a really bad decision. He sees the end from the beginning which is a much better vantage point than what I am capable of having. When we were trying to buy a house, we kept putting offers in on places we liked and would immediately be outbid. It was incredibly frustrating and stressful. But looking at this verse, I realize that all those other places seemed right for us at the time, but God had the perfect home for us already picked out.

A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

This verse brought me a lot of comfort when Robbie didn't get in the first time he applied to Dental School. In His infinite wisdom and love for us, God knew that waiting another year would be much better. And it was! I see so many benefits we reaped from having to wait another year. We saved money, Robbie got experience in a Dental office, and we were able to participate in a newlywed Bible study that we otherwise would've missed.

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. -Proverbs 11:14

I've written before about a mentor of mine, Jolly, who instilled in me my love for Proverbs. One thing he especially emphasized was getting advice from wise people when facing big decisions. It's important that you don't just surround yourself with people who say what you want to hear. I can name at least 8 people in my life who I know would tell me straight if I was making a bad decision. It might be frustrating and it might even hurt to hear what they have to say, but being able to accept rebuke from wise counsel is a sign of maturity and will help keep you from making really bad decisions.

Before I started working at the Dental School, I was offered a job at the Disney Store. It seemed like the ideal job for me! Part-time, working in a toy store, and, oh yeah, DISNEY!!! The day I was supposed to start there, I received a call from the Dental School offering me a position as a Dental Assistant. It was 40 hours a week, which was not what I really wanted plus I was intimidated about working as an assistant to so many different Dentists. We talked with both Robbie's parents and my parents and unanimously they recommended taking the position at the Dental School.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I took their advice, even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Working at the Dental School was one of the biggest blessings I could imagine while Robbie was going through 2nd and 3rd year. It gave us more time together, strengthening our marriage. It helped Robbie build relationships with some amazing faculty who he might not have gotten to know as well if he wasn't in my clinic as much. It also enabled us to be financially stable enough to buy our house and get pregnant! We would've missed out on all these things had I chosen the Disney Store.

So as you approach times of big decisions, let me encourage you that God knows which decisions are good and which lead to death. He wants to guide you to the right decisions through spending time with Him and seeking wise counsel. I want to finish by saying that even if you do make a bad decision, God is still faithful!

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong because the LORD is the one who holds his hand. -Psalm 37:23-24

Something Personal

I've been going back and forth about whether to write about this on my blog, but I really feel the need to share something about what's been going on in my family.

Several weeks ago, we found out that my mom has stage 2 breast cancer. There has been a lot of cancer in my family tree (skin, ovarian, lung, breast, etc.) so I don't feel like the concept is foreign to any of us; however, what really makes it hit home on a personal level is that my mom's mom passed away from breast cancer 15 years ago. I was still pretty young so I only have sheltered memories of what my family went through at that time, but I'm observant enough to know that facing the same disease has stirred up a lot of old questions and emotions

My mom and I are very different people. She thinks out loud; I'm more of an internal processor. She's an extrovert; I'm an introvert. She wears her emotions on her sleeve; I tend to bottle things up inside. She's an amazing cook; I'm good at making sandwiches. She's infinitely servant-hearted; I have a lot of selfish tendencies. But in spite of all our differences, I absolutely love being around her. I love seeing how crazy she'll act in public just to get her grandchildren to laugh. I love when Robbie acts like I starve him to death so my mom will make him a gluten-free feast to make up for my (alleged) neglect. She is one of those people who gets all her satisfaction out of seeing the needs of other people met.

And that is exactly why it is so hard to be up here in Denver working full time while she goes through all of her treatments. I long to return some of her kindness in a small way by giving her shoulder and foot rubs. I want to be there to clean her house for her because she doesn't have the energy. I want to bring her drinks and snacks and read her books to keep her mind off things. It kills me to think of her being in any pain.

I'm not sure what most people do when they feel helpless to help someone they love. The feeling would completely overwhelm me if it weren't for the unshakable peace that comes from knowing that God loves her even more than I do. God has proven over and over to me in personal ways that He is the very definition of faithful, just, and good.

Not only that, but he knows how all the pieces are meant to fit together. While I have the limited perspective of this moment, He has eternal perspective and is able to see our lives from beginning to end. Psalm 139 says:

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it...

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

I don't know all the plans He has for my mom, but I am convinced that whatever happens, He is able to make it glorious.

Celebrating the Completion of Year Two

I've written before about the value of memorializing the milestones in Dental School. Robbie recently just hit another milestone-- finishing his second year! I'm late on writing about it because second year turned into third year in the blink of an eye. He only had two weeks off between summer and fall semester (last year it was three weeks). Additionally, because I am a state employee, I don't get off when the students are off unless I want to use a bunch of my vacation hours. The two week break came and went and aside from me being home with a cold for a couple days, not much happened.

It's difficult to know what to specifically write about 2nd year that most people haven't heard already. It was hard for us. At times it was painful. It was definitely emotionally draining. But I also believe it was a defining period of our marriage.

Until this past year, Robbie and I have had pretty smooth sailing in our marriage. Yes, applying to Dental School was pretty demanding. Living on a very small income when we were first married was a challenge. Moving in with my in-laws for a year while maintaining healthy boundaries was a little stressful at times. But 2nd year of Dental School was the first time in our marriage that I felt we were both stretched beyond what we thought were our breaking points.

Robbie frequently expressed that what made it so stressful was how he never felt caught up. No matter how hard he worked and how much time he put in, he was constantly being thrown into situations, tests, practicals, etc. for which he didn't feel prepared. The moment he began to feel like he was starting to get the hang of something, they switched gears and started learning something else. It was a complete confidence killer.

At the same time, I felt exhausted from work. I missed being at home and having the energy and desire to go grocery shopping, plan healthy meals, and exercise. Laundry piled up. We ate out more frequently than I care to remember.  I felt like I was failing as a wife because I couldn't do many of the things I longed to do in order to help Robbie get through this difficult year.

On top of it all, rent prices continued to climb so we made the decision it was time to buy. We were completely blindsided by how difficult it would be to find and buy our first home. Why did I never learn actual valuable life knowledge in college? Why did no one teach me what types of mortgages are available and how to apply for them? Should I go with a private lending company or a bank? What is the difference between a town home and a condo anyway? What is mortgage insurance? These types of things may be common knowledge to someone who studies finance or realty but our learning curve was quite steep.

Let's just say I'd rather have a double IA block every morning for a year than go through that again anytime soon (ask your Dental Student if you aren't familiar with that). I felt at times it would never end and yet the days marched on. I remember crying a lot. I remember feeling horribly guilty after snapping at Robbie (again) over something stupid. I remember wondering where my husband's energy, humor, and playfulness had gone and feeling like I had become the grouchiest, neediest wife on the planet. There were a lot of tearful apologies.

But there was also a lot of forgiveness. I remember tender moments when we both felt completely emotionally drained yet somehow God would be in the midst of it. The experiences of the days/weeks/months had put us at odds. Then a moment would come when we were truly vulnerable-- acknowledging the ways we had failed one another-- and God enabled us to speak grace. "I forgive you. We're going to get through this. I love you. I'm with you in this."

God was able to turn the struggles of 2nd year into something that knit us together more tightly as a couple. I'm more confident in our ability as a couple to make grown-up decisions. While I wouldn't jump at the chance of going through it again, I am able now to see the good that has come from this period of our lives and the importance of facing challenges together.

No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead. -Hebrews 12:11-13

About to get an IA block

Ah, the awkward numb-jaw smile

Sun and Rain

I'm currently sitting on my comfy tan couch in our living room listening to the thunder rumbling from the afternoon shower that just passed through. While this summer has given us mostly mild temperatures in the 80's, yesterday and today shot up to 100 degrees. Having an air conditioner installed in our new home is still on the to-do list and even with all the windows open, the house felt horribly stifling. I laid awake in bed a good portion of the night last night adjusting and readjusting the wet cloth on my face, then my neck, then my leg, then back to my face in a desperate attempt to cool off. We had a tall fan that I pointed directly at our bed going full blast all night but even that only took the edge off.

After school today, Robbie and I ran to the grocery store (in our basket: frozen chocolate covered bananas, frozen waffles, and ice cream-- seriously). We walked out and I was never more happy to feel chilly little raindrops plopping down on my head. Now that the rain has passed through, I'm relishing in the cold breeze that's flowing in our windows. I can't wait to lay down my head tonight and feel that cool breeze wash over me as I sleep.

All I keep thinking about as I sit here is that this year of Dental School has felt like that night that was too hot. I've been tossing and turning, trying to find just a little bit of comfort, unable to find real rest. And then all of a sudden, raindrops of refreshment started falling. We closed on our house. Robbie's work load at school started to settle down to a more manageable level. We finally found a church to call home in Denver. I started working with the youth group. But the best part is that I feel Jesus breathing life back in me again. Reading my Bible has become engaging again. I'm desiring time with Him again.

Whether this is just a short respite before another heat wave, or a rainstorm that will cool the breeze for awhile, it is the refreshment I've been needing.

Faithfulness

Well, it's been over two months since I last wrote and since I woke up at 6:30 with no alarm this morning, I figured it was a good opportunity to catch up. (Also, I know Robbie would really appreciate it if I let him sleep in. Sleep is such a precious commodity these days.)

I'm just going to be honest and say that this semester has probably been the worst semester of our lives. Robbie has been crazy busy and stressed with school; I've been exhausted from work; and we found out our rent was going up by over $100 a month so we have been trying to find a new place to live on top of everything. I've been complain-y, irritable, fault finding, disrespectful, and just plain unhappy. This semester has brought about more tears for me than any other season of my life.

Now I'm going to be really honest and share that the true reason this semester has sucked so bad is that I've let my walk with God drift into a lull. I haven't been reading my Bible with any sort of consistency. Taking time to get alone with Him has been pretty much non-existent. We've still been feeling really confused about which church to call home here in Denver and have used that as an excuse to just not go.

Had I been faithful in pursuing Him, I don't think this semester would have been as hard. This isn't because I feel like God is punishing me or something. He's not some distant god waiting for me to mess up so he can rain down lightning. I can't earn my way to Him by behaving like a good girl. As a Christian, the Bible explains that I'm "hidden in Christ" so when God looks at me, He sees the perfection of Christ's life and my sin is no longer counted against me. I've become His daughter for whom He cares deeply. I can come before Him boldly because I am no longer at odds with Him.

The reason I say that this semester would have been easier is that God specifically designed us as humans to be close to Him. He gave us an innate desire to know Him and have relationship with Him. It's only natural then that when I start to drift away from His incredible presence, I feel the inherent sting of  being separated from the one thing I truly need.

God gives us pictures of this over and over in the way he designed us. We need water or we'll experience thirst. We need food or we'll get hunger pains. We need shelter from the elements or we'll freeze/sunburn/get struck by lightening/sucked up in a tornado/eaten by wild animals/etc. We need sleep or we'll feel exhausted. We need air and if we can't get a breath of that sweet 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 1% argon mixture, we will very quickly die! In fact a lack of any of these things for an extended period would eventually lead to our death.

King David understood this concept and used it many times in expressing His need of God. He even went so far as to say that his need for God was more urgent and pressing than his very basic needs for water, food, shelter, and sleep.

"As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?" -Psalm 42:1-2

 "Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men. For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness." -Psalm 107:8-9

"You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance." -Psalm 32:8

"Surely I will not go in to the chamber of my house, or go up to the comfort of my bed; I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob." -Psalm 132:3-5

I went up to Fort Collins yesterday to visit family and on my way back, I was still feeling lonely and miserable. I began praying, "Lord, I just need to hear a song about your faithfulness. I miss being close to you." I turned on the radio to my favorite station and as the first song started, I burst into tears. It was Kari Jobe singing "You Are For Me."

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that...

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

You remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

My God is so faithful even when I have not been faithful. His faithfulness overwhelms me.

Side by Side

I'm excited to share that I recently stumbled across the website for a group that is a ministry of the Christian Medical and Dental Association. The group is called Side by Side and, as their website explains, it is specifically for "women who are married to medical and dental students, residents, fellows, as well as staff physicians and dentists." I was able to get in contact with my local chapter and attended their first meeting for the school year on November 2nd.

Ever since Robbie started school, I have been trying to find a way to connect with as many other wives as possible who are in similar situations. I have met a few other Dental School wives through this blog and I know some of Robbie's classmate's wives, but I have yet to be able to enjoy regular hang-out time with a group of them. All the ladies that came were super friendly and I enjoyed hearing a little bit about each of their experiences.

On the downside, I was the only one there whose husband was in Dental School instead of Medical School. On the plus-side, hearing about the length of the Medical School process reminded me of how grateful I should be that Dental School is only four years, that a residency is not required, and that Dentistry in general is an extremely family-friendly field. I hope to get a few more of my fellow Dental School wives to start going with me to the biweekly meetings.

For my fellow Dental School wives reading this, you should check out Side by Side's website to see if there is a chapter in your area and let me know how things go for you!

Rocky

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you probably already know that I was recently introduced to the Rocky films for the first time in my life. So far, Robbie and I have only watched five of the six movies together but I keep asking one question, "Why has no one ever shown me this before now?!" The first Rocky film is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen in my entire life!

Not only is the acting impeccable and the dialogue superbly entertaining, but the story itself was the most elegant portrayal about the desires of a man's heart that I have ever seen in a film. If you know much about the making of Rocky, it was actually written by Sylvester Stallone when he was trying to make it into the movie industry. He approached studio after studio about it but refused to sell the rights unless  he was allowed to play Rocky because he felt so strongly about how the character should be portrayed (mostly, I'm guessing, because Rocky was a picture of himself).

My favorite aspect of Rocky was the relationship between Rocky and his girlfriend, Adrian. I am not a cryer at all when it comes to movies, but several of their interactions brought tears to my eyes because I connected with their experiences in such a deep level of my heart. In many ways, their relationship reminded me of Robbie and myself and the process of getting into/going through Dental School. One scene in particular comes the night before the "big fight" against Apollo Creed (his opponent who happened to be the World Heavyweight Champion). Rocky lays down on the bed next to Adrian and shares with her that he knows he can't win the fight. Then he tells her something profound.

"Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood."

I think those few lines are what cause so many men to love this movie. Here's Rocky, this tough, hardened, ballsy guy about to face the biggest challenge of his life and in a moment of vulnerability he acknowledges his weakness and fear. Then he describes something that I believe God built into the heart of every man-- the desire to prove that he has what it takes, that he's not a phony.

What I like most about this scene is that in that moment of vulnerability, Adrian didn't try to convince Rocky that he could win. She didn't even tell him to not go to the fight out of her own fear of him getting hurt. She just laid there with him and held him. Without words she showed him that she believed in him as a man and would support him in whatever he decided to do about the fight (*spoiler* he still went to the fight the next day).

I think every Dental Student will have their serious moments of self doubt through the process. In those moments, I will have the opportunity to speak life into Robbie by standing alongside him, showing him I believe in him, and pointing him to the one who enables him to achieve what he's meant to achieve.

I remember one time, in particular, when Robbie came home completely crushed by the tasks he was facing in school. We parked the car at our apartment and before going inside I began to pray for him. After just a moment, I distinctly sensed God telling me, "Have Robbie pray." So I told Robbie and through his tears, he shared with Jesus what was making him afraid and asked for strength and confidence. Before my eyes, Robbie's appearance changed as a calmness washed over him. God is the one who lead Robbie to pursue dentistry in the first place so by coming to Him, Robbie received his "daily bread," the need for that moment, which was peace that he would be able to finish the race set before him.

I am confident in my husband's ability to become a Dentist because I am confident in my God's faithfulness and might. And when that (figurative) bell of Dental school rings and Robbie's still standing, Robbie will know that he has what it takes and will give all glory to God.

Start of a New School Year

I've finally made it to my 50th post and what perfect timing! I'm happy to announce that Robbie received notification that he passed the Part I Dental Boards! Part II of the Boards isn't until his 4th year so it's nice to have such a big test out of the way for awhile.

Here's a picture of the notice. I used Photoshop to highlight the important part.

Many of you may have a Dental Student starting their first year over the next few weeks so I just wanted to offer some encouragement today. Thinking back to one year ago, I had a lot of anxiety about what the coming months would bring. I didn't know what Dental School would be like for Robbie, how the time requirements would affect our marriage, and what specific challenges lay before us. If you're new to my blog, I recommend checking out my post on How to Thrive While Your Husband is in Dental School for a few concrete tips that could help you adjust to life with a Dental Student.

Robbie put so much hard work into his first year: weekend study sessions at Starbucks, hours and hours of lab practice, memorization, sweat, and a few tears. I'm realizing today what a special gift it is that I get to see this process unfolding. Yes, his friends and family likely notice how busy he is, but as his wife I bare a special witness to the sacrifice and endurance Dental School has required from him. I've been there when he was going through flash card after flash card of Dental Morphology and Pathology and Gross Anatomy. I heard his quiet mumblings as he recited things to himself to make sure he remembered what he studied. I've seen him when he's confident and seen him when he is in great need of encouragement. Most amazingly, I have been witness to the incredible power of praying together before tests and practicals, at the end of a long day, or just when we felt a little distant from one another due to busy schedules. I've seen God's truth and love obliterate lies, rejuvenate Robbie's spirit, adjust both our attitudes, and draw the two of us closer together in our marriage.

Your Dental Student will likely have days where they come home feeling like crap because of the overwhelming amount of information they need to study, because they feel like their lab work isn't improving quickly enough, or because they have two or three tests every week and just can't seem to catch up. One of your most important roles as the spouse of a Dental Student will be to find ways of setting up stones of remembrance. So many times in the Bible, God instituted ways for His people to be reminded of all He had done for them in the past. The Jewish holidays of Passover, Hanukkah, Purim, etc. and now the Christian holidays of Christmas and Resurrection Sunday are all dedicated to memorializing specific times when God came through for His people in miraculous ways. Another tradition from Biblical times is the building of stone memorials. Whenever God met someone or provided for them in a meaningful way, that person would gather stones into a pile wherever it had occurred so that every time they came back by that place, they would see the stones and remember what God had done.  [See Joshua 4 for a great example of this]

I would encourage you to find ways to memorialize the important moments of Dental School for you and your student. Take pictures, write in a journal, keep a blog, grab an actual stone and write the date on it-- whatever it takes to keep a record of those moments. In four years, you will look back and remember all that God has brought you through and agree with the Psalmist in saying:

"LORD, God of Hosts, who is strong like You, LORD? Your faithfulness surrounds you!" -Psalm 89:8

End of Year Trip

We are now in the final countdown of Robbie's first year of Dental School! His last finals are in one week and his last practical is on the 19th. Then he has a week and a half to devote completely to studying for the Part I boards. After that, he'll officially be a DS2!

In celebration of this milestone, we decided to go on a trip together. Since it will likely be our last trip before having kids we decided to make it a really exciting one by going somewhere neither of us has been before. We ended up finding a great flight and hotel deal on Priceline for 5 days/4 nights in San Juan, Puerto Rico!! This is especially exciting for me because I studied Spanish for 9 years and I have yet to visit a place where the chief language is Spanish. Puerto Rico was also a great option because my passport still has my maiden name on it (P.R. is a U.S. territory, so you don't need a passport to fly there). I just can't wait to chill on the beach with my hubby, drinking a pina colada and celebrating the end of the first chapter of Dental School.

I seriously can hardly wait!!! This gorgeous picture is originally from http://my.lulac.org/group/604

Technically we have lived in Denver for just over a year now. Looking back on all that has transpired puts me in complete awe of how good my God is! He provided us with a great apartment that we could afford that was also close to the school. He provided us with incredible friends to share the journey with. He used the difficult periods of Dental School to draw Robbie and I closer together in our prayer life. He gave me a close friend with kids so that I could receive wisdom from her about motherhood. Seeing and helping Robbie grow into the man God desires him to be brings me more fulfillment than any other relationship in my life. I have especially loved experiencing first hand the truth found in Proverbs 11:25 because every time I made it a point to refresh and encourage Robbie, it filled me to the brim with joy.

A generous person will be enriched, and the one who gives a drink of water will receive water. -Proverbs 11:25

What a great year! I wouldn't trade the lessons we've learned for anything in the world! It has been challenging and rough at times, but God has used the difficulty in amazing ways. I can't wait to see what next year brings!

Do not despise the Lord's instruction, my son, and do not loathe His discipline; for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, just as a father, the son he delights in. -Proverbs 3:11-12

The Cure for Worry

Something that's been on my mind a lot lately is worry and it's relationship to fear. I once heard a pastor assert that worry is one of the most pervasive sins in our culture today and I'm inclined to agree with him. It seems that almost everyone I'm close to is plagued by at least a few things they are worried about. Some people I know become paralyzed by worry, avoiding even healthy risks and always staying within their comfort zone. Others I know become controlling, believing that as long as they stay on top of the situation they can prevent their worries from coming true. At the first sign of losing control, they feel exposed and express their worry in the form of anger. Still others choose to become numb, trying to convince themselves that if they don't care about anyone or anything then they won't have to deal with worry at all.

If we're honest with ourselves, when we worry about something what we are really saying is, "I fear this happening." When we say that, what we're thinking on a deeper level (whether we realize it or not) is, "I distrust God because He might allow this happen." And if we're REALLY honest with ourselves, what we're ultimately believing is, "I know better than God what is good for me. He's holding out on me." If that concept sounds familiar, it's because it has been around since the Garden of Eden. Satan tempted Adam and Eve with the "worry" that God was holding out on them, that He was not sharing with them the knowledge and the good that they so deserved.

My friend and I have been doing the Esther study by Beth Moore and one of the most influential and empowering topics she discussed was fear. Beth explained that it's not enough for us to go through life with conditional faith, only trusting God as long as he keeps our worst fears from happening. Conditional faith leaves us in the tight fist of fear and turns us into beggars before our God, pleading for his protection, instead of us living in the restful knowledge that we are his dearly beloved children. Beth guided us through the process of facing our fears by filling in "if _______, then _______" statements.

Let me give an example. For a long time, I was plagued by the fear of being tortured for the name of Christ. My if/then statements would look like this:
          What if I was threatened with horrible torture for being a Christian?
          Then God would give me the strength I needed to endure it.
          What if I died while being tortured?
          Then God would bring me home to be with Him and would comfort my family. God could use my death to convict my torturers and they may choose to follow Jesus as well.

Some if/then statements have many more layers to work through:
          What if we get pregnant but I end up having a miscarriage?
          Then I would be really sad and I would cry a lot for our loss.
          Then what?
          I would need to find comforting Bible verses to meditate on.
          Then what?
           I would have to spend a lot of time praying with Robbie and working through our pain together.
          Then what?
          I would eventually begin to heal and would seek out other women who had miscarriages.
          Then what?
          God would be able to use me to help comfort those other women.

The point Beth Moore was trying to make is that if God allows what we fear to happen, then He has a reason and a purpose in it and He can turn around anything to be used for our good and for His glory.

So what's the cure for worry? It's knowing in the deepest part of who we are that the God who spoke the universe into being is also our Father who cares for us more deeply than we could possibly imagine. If the worst happens, then God will come through for us. Believing anything less leaves us as slaves.

"No one can be a slave to two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot be slaves of God and of money. This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: they don't sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying?" -Matthew 6:24-27

"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

 "Do not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold onto you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

"Now this is what the LORD says--the One who created you, Jacob, and the One who formed you, Israel--"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire and the flame will not burn you." -Isaiah 43:1-2

Sleepless Nights

I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up on and off for awhile then I was wide awake from about 2:00-3:30 this morning. Part of it was that I just couldn't quite get comfortable but another reason I just couldn't quite sleep was because I was thinking about having kids. We're not pregnant nor are we trying to get pregnant right now, but I recognize that we are drawing closer to the time when we will be ready to start a family. I've been noticing that God has been using this time as preparation to help me sift through my fears and expectations of motherhood.

The nagging thought that kept creeping into my mind last night was, "What if I'm not a good mother?" The question was solely based on the knowledge that when I become a mother, I won't get as much sleep. Honestly, I don't really like the way I behave when I don't get enough sleep (I'm talking 8-9 hours a night). I tend to have less patience and to be much more emotionally driven (instead of being guided by my usual, Vulcan-like logical side *nerd joke*). How can someone who is so dependent on sleep and who feels so cranky without it be a good mother to a newborn who wakes her up all night? I wrestled with this doubt for a good portion of time before turning to Jesus in prayer.

During the course of the conversation, He reminded me of what He endured on the cross "for the joy set before Him." He also reminded me that I'm a new creation, I'm not who I was before I gave my life to Him. He lives inside me and I am empowered to love sacrificially. I came to the realization that since Jesus endured the horrors of the cross and Jesus now lives in me, surely He and I can endure the lack of sleep that comes with having kids.

Once again, I'm drawn to the verses in 1 Corinthians 13, "Love is patient, love is kind...[love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

Dental School Wife Club

I spent a good deal of time today searching for blogs about Dental School and being the wife of a Dental Student and was surprised at how few there really are! I found a couple that were from several years ago but they hadn't been written on in 2 or 3 years. I did come across a fun blog called Decorating Through Dental School written by the wife of a Dental Student, but it is focused more on home decor ideas on a budget and less about Dental School itself. I've also been reading an excellent blog called Diary of a Dental School Wife written by the wife of a soon-to-be Dental Student.

While it's not a blog, I did come across the website for the Alliance of the ADA and they happen to have a Student Spouse program (which I happened to join for $5 because I'm just that cool). Here's a description of the program:

As the spouse of an American Student Dental Association (ASDA) member, you are eligible for a Student Membership in the Alliance of the American Dental Association. Membership in the Alliance provides opportunities to interact with others who share common concerns and interests, as well as opportunities to participate in special conferences, workshops, and community programs related to dentistry and dental health.

I guess I'm just wishing there was more of a sense of community among Dental School wives. While I am in no way trying to say that having a husband in Dental School is anywhere close to the challenge and sacrifice of having a husband in the military, I am certainly jealous of the sense of camaraderie and support military wives have with one another. It's like an unspoken club where everyone just seems to understand each other a little better because of the shared experience.

I want to hear the stories of other Dental School wives. I want to hear what they have enjoyed, what they have hated, what have been their joys, what has made them cry, what they have learned, how they are growing, what has made them laugh. That's what I hope this blog will be-- a place for other wives to read about what I experience as Robbie goes through Dental School, to gain encouragement from it, and to share their stories as well.

1) WHAT I HAVE ENJOYED ABOUT DENTAL SCHOOL

I like the routine. I like the predictability of seeing his whole schedule for the semester and knowing what time we'll need to get up in the morning, what time he will likely get home each day, what time I should bring him lunch, when we can go on vacation, when he will be extra busy so I can plan accordingly, etc.

I have also enjoyed being a stay at home wife. Before we moved, I worked full time but now I have more time to do the things I really want to do like keeping my house in order, planning yummy meals, working out, doing crafts, writing a blog, etc.

2) WHAT I HAVE HATED ABOUT DENTAL SCHOOL

Not being able to help him more. In spite of the fact that I am trained as a Dental Assistant, Robbie has already surpassed me in his dental knowledge (by quite a bit!). As a Dental Assistant, I was focused on the task of assisting-- keeping the dentist's line of vision clear, handing him the next instrument, taking treatment notes, but I didn't pay as much attention to the techniques the dentist was using. I wish I could be more help when Robbie asks me what bur the dentist used for certain fillings or how the dentist used a specific instrument. It makes me feel helpless at times when he is confused about something and I have no way of helping him.

 3) WHAT HAS BROUGHT ME JOY

Knowing that I am making a huge difference by doing the simple day-to-day chores. I get so much joy from being able to have a hot meal ready for him when he comes home, that he doesn't have to stress about whether or not he has clean scrubs to wear, that he has more time to study and practice in the lab because he doesn't have to go to the grocery store or get the oil in the car changed. 

4) WHAT HAS MADE ME CRY

Praying for Robbie after he has had particularly rough days. Praying for him to have victory and to experience success but that his joy won't be determined by the grades he gets or how well he feels he did in lab. Visiting our church back home and missing the community we had there. The end of the first semester made me cry in relief not because it was awful, but because I finally knew that we would be able to do this.

5) WHAT I HAVE LEARNED

That I can be very selfish at times and that the purpose of marriage is not to make me happy, but rather to make me holy. Happiness is an awesome by-product of marriage (and believe me, I get a lot of happiness from my marriage), but the true purpose of marriage is to make me more like Jesus and to help my spouse be more like Jesus (which in the end leads to something much more permanent than regular old happiness-----it leads to joy).

6) HOW I AM GROWING

Before I met Robbie, God brought me to a place where I knew that even if I never got married, Jesus was enough. For the first two years of Robbie and I's marriage, I really desperately wanted to have children. But over the past year, God has been freeing me from that sense of desperation to be a mother and replaced it with a quiet confidence that even if I never have kids, Jesus is enough. So if I become a mother, that's wonderful. If I don't, I will still praise Him!

 "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will leave this life. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. Praise the name of Yahweh!" -Job 1:21

7) WHAT HAS MADE ME LAUGH

Finding fake teeth tumbling around in my dryer. Translating for Robbie when he pulls out all sorts of Dental jargon while telling his parents what he's learning in school. Corny Dental puns (see t-shirt below). How there always seems to be an episode in crime shows where the Dentist is the murderer. Steve Martin singing the Dentist Song in Little Shop of Horrors.

If you're a Dental School wife, please share your experiences in the comments!