Something Personal

I've been going back and forth about whether to write about this on my blog, but I really feel the need to share something about what's been going on in my family.

Several weeks ago, we found out that my mom has stage 2 breast cancer. There has been a lot of cancer in my family tree (skin, ovarian, lung, breast, etc.) so I don't feel like the concept is foreign to any of us; however, what really makes it hit home on a personal level is that my mom's mom passed away from breast cancer 15 years ago. I was still pretty young so I only have sheltered memories of what my family went through at that time, but I'm observant enough to know that facing the same disease has stirred up a lot of old questions and emotions

My mom and I are very different people. She thinks out loud; I'm more of an internal processor. She's an extrovert; I'm an introvert. She wears her emotions on her sleeve; I tend to bottle things up inside. She's an amazing cook; I'm good at making sandwiches. She's infinitely servant-hearted; I have a lot of selfish tendencies. But in spite of all our differences, I absolutely love being around her. I love seeing how crazy she'll act in public just to get her grandchildren to laugh. I love when Robbie acts like I starve him to death so my mom will make him a gluten-free feast to make up for my (alleged) neglect. She is one of those people who gets all her satisfaction out of seeing the needs of other people met.

And that is exactly why it is so hard to be up here in Denver working full time while she goes through all of her treatments. I long to return some of her kindness in a small way by giving her shoulder and foot rubs. I want to be there to clean her house for her because she doesn't have the energy. I want to bring her drinks and snacks and read her books to keep her mind off things. It kills me to think of her being in any pain.

I'm not sure what most people do when they feel helpless to help someone they love. The feeling would completely overwhelm me if it weren't for the unshakable peace that comes from knowing that God loves her even more than I do. God has proven over and over to me in personal ways that He is the very definition of faithful, just, and good.

Not only that, but he knows how all the pieces are meant to fit together. While I have the limited perspective of this moment, He has eternal perspective and is able to see our lives from beginning to end. Psalm 139 says:

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it...

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

I don't know all the plans He has for my mom, but I am convinced that whatever happens, He is able to make it glorious.