Back From the Dead

I just wanted to write a very brief post to let you all know that we are, in fact, still alive! I haven't written since April 19, but I honestly have a very good reason: we just closed on our first home about two weeks ago! The process of buying a home was a lot worse than we expected (and we made the wise choice of doing it during what is arguably the hardest semester of Dental School). And now I feel like I'm slowly coming back from the dead. I hope to have a chance to write soon about the details of what we went through and process some of the amazing lessons I learned but for now I'll just leave you with a picture of us the day we became home owners.

Babies. Everywhere.

Last weekend, Robbie was busy studying so I took the opportunity to head up to Fort Collins to celebrate my mom's birthday with my family. All three of my sisters were able to come to dinner and it was the first time I had all three of my niblings in one place.

Niblings: (plural noun) nieces and nephews; the children of your siblings

In the past year, all three of my older sisters gave birth to their first child. In addition to our two awesome nephews from Robbie's sister, I now have one niece (Olive) and two more nephews (Luke and Henry).

Left to right: Deborah holding Henry, Altair holding Luke, and Ariane holding Olive

It's been incredible seeing each of my sisters transition into motherhood, but it has shown me just how not ready to be a mommy I am. Maybe it's that 2nd year has been especially difficult but the idea of going through all the hormonal changes and needing to care for a little life who is completely dependent on me just doesn't feel as urgent as it used to. Anyone who has known me for more than a few years would probably be shocked to hear me say that; I have been talking about being a stay at home mom since I was in 9th grade! It's possible that Jesus is just teaching me how to be more content wherever He has me and perhaps, in a few years, he'll renew that desire in me to be a mom. For now, though, I'm content being the well-rested Auntie who sings Disney songs to the niblings.

Faithfulness

Well, it's been over two months since I last wrote and since I woke up at 6:30 with no alarm this morning, I figured it was a good opportunity to catch up. (Also, I know Robbie would really appreciate it if I let him sleep in. Sleep is such a precious commodity these days.)

I'm just going to be honest and say that this semester has probably been the worst semester of our lives. Robbie has been crazy busy and stressed with school; I've been exhausted from work; and we found out our rent was going up by over $100 a month so we have been trying to find a new place to live on top of everything. I've been complain-y, irritable, fault finding, disrespectful, and just plain unhappy. This semester has brought about more tears for me than any other season of my life.

Now I'm going to be really honest and share that the true reason this semester has sucked so bad is that I've let my walk with God drift into a lull. I haven't been reading my Bible with any sort of consistency. Taking time to get alone with Him has been pretty much non-existent. We've still been feeling really confused about which church to call home here in Denver and have used that as an excuse to just not go.

Had I been faithful in pursuing Him, I don't think this semester would have been as hard. This isn't because I feel like God is punishing me or something. He's not some distant god waiting for me to mess up so he can rain down lightning. I can't earn my way to Him by behaving like a good girl. As a Christian, the Bible explains that I'm "hidden in Christ" so when God looks at me, He sees the perfection of Christ's life and my sin is no longer counted against me. I've become His daughter for whom He cares deeply. I can come before Him boldly because I am no longer at odds with Him.

The reason I say that this semester would have been easier is that God specifically designed us as humans to be close to Him. He gave us an innate desire to know Him and have relationship with Him. It's only natural then that when I start to drift away from His incredible presence, I feel the inherent sting of  being separated from the one thing I truly need.

God gives us pictures of this over and over in the way he designed us. We need water or we'll experience thirst. We need food or we'll get hunger pains. We need shelter from the elements or we'll freeze/sunburn/get struck by lightening/sucked up in a tornado/eaten by wild animals/etc. We need sleep or we'll feel exhausted. We need air and if we can't get a breath of that sweet 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 1% argon mixture, we will very quickly die! In fact a lack of any of these things for an extended period would eventually lead to our death.

King David understood this concept and used it many times in expressing His need of God. He even went so far as to say that his need for God was more urgent and pressing than his very basic needs for water, food, shelter, and sleep.

"As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?" -Psalm 42:1-2

 "Oh that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men. For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness." -Psalm 107:8-9

"You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance." -Psalm 32:8

"Surely I will not go in to the chamber of my house, or go up to the comfort of my bed; I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob." -Psalm 132:3-5

I went up to Fort Collins yesterday to visit family and on my way back, I was still feeling lonely and miserable. I began praying, "Lord, I just need to hear a song about your faithfulness. I miss being close to you." I turned on the radio to my favorite station and as the first song started, I burst into tears. It was Kari Jobe singing "You Are For Me."

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that...

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

You remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

My God is so faithful even when I have not been faithful. His faithfulness overwhelms me.

White Coats and Dental Conventions

I finally have some time to sit down and write about the two Dental School related events that took place in January.

Robbie's White Coat Ceremony was on January 17th. For those of you not familiar with the White Coat Ceremony, it is the ceremony used to mark the transition from studying pre-clinical to clinical dentistry. It was awesome being able to celebrate with both of our families. Robbie's parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and their two boys came up as well as my parents and one of my sisters. The ceremony involved a few Dentists speaking about the importance of ethics in providing care for their patients as well as a reading of a type of Hippocratic oath for Dental professionals.

Here's Robbie's entire class. Please note the one wearing a kilt on the far right. He has awesome classmates!

Waiting for his coat. I'm so proud of myself for figuring out how to tie that tie!

With my parents

With Robbie's parents and sister

The other fun event that took place in January was the Rocky Mountain Dental Convention. It's free for students and the school paid for me to take some classes as an employee. The best part was walking around the exhibition hall and getting free samples of things like toothpaste, spry gum, chapstick, hand sanitizer, pens, etc.

Robbie decided to try on a little jaw brace.

This is me holding a giant model of an endo file. They use tiny versions of these to perform root canal therapy. I think the exhibitor guy thought I was a little strange for wanting a picture.

At the end of the day, they had an "after party" and the first 750 people got two free drink tickets. Several people didn't want their free drinks and so they gave their tickets to us!


Robbie has decided to join the Dental Fraternity, Alpha Omega and apparently they have 2-3 social activities a month so I will hopefully have lots of fun stuff to write about in the near future!

4 Year Anniversary

Two posts in one day? How exciting is that?!

It's hard to believe Christmas break is already over and that Robbie has completed the first few weeks of Spring semester. Juggling two families in Fort Collins made for a pretty busy break and I, unfortunately, had to work through most of his break as well. I will say that sitting around at the school organizing/stocking/cleaning without any clinic going on gets really old really fast. I am so glad clinic has started back up and we finally have the students back! I promise to never complain about how messy they make the clinic ever again. Their mess is what keeps me from getting bored!

My favorite part of the break was celebrating our 4 year anniversary at The Melting Pot (a delicious fondu restaurant that we go to every year). Since the restaurant was in Fort Collins and we didn't think it sounded very fun to stay at one of our parents' houses for our anniversary, we decided a few weeks ago to book a hotel room instead.

This is us in the hotel lobby before we left for dinner. I was a little disappointed that the front desk lady couldn't capture a better picture but after three takes, I figured "Oh well."

One thing I love about Old Town Fort Collins is that they cover all the trees with Christmas lights each year.

He's not excited at all.

We went with the spinach artichoke cheese fondu, yet again. It's so good we're afraid to branch out!

Had to snap a picture of us with our chocolate before we messed up the lovely yin/yang dark/white chocolate.

It's amazing to think of all we have been through together over the past four years. Career changes, adopting a kitty cat, applying to Dental School, moving to a new city, traveling (to California twice, Virginia, Arizona, southern Colorado, and Puerto Rico), and completing the first year and a half of Dental School. I just can't imagine where I would be or what I would be doing if God hadn't brought Robbie and I into each others' lives. Robbie truly brings out the best in me and treats me with such tenderness. I feel absolutely blessed beyond capacity to stand by his side as his wife. I love that we are such a good team and that I know I will always have someone in my corner when life gets difficult.

Puerto Rico, Part 3

I just realized I never finished posting about our Puerto Rico trip back in August! If you missed the first two parts to this series, here they are: Part 1 and Part 2. Mostly I just want to make sure that when I look back on my blog a few years from now, I didn't leave out any important/fun parts of our experience during Dental School.



On our final day in Puerto Rico, we decided to head to Old San Juan in the morning to explore the shops and grab breakfast. By this time we had become public transportation experts and hopped on the right bus after making a quick stop into Walgreens for some cookies "sin gluten."

We ended up in a little cafe called Cafeteria Mallorca that I had read about online.

They are actually famous for their namesake pastry, mallorcas, which are little sweet-bread rolls covered in powdered sugar (kind of like a donut) but since Robbie couldn't eat them I opted for a more classic breakfast as well.

And by classic breakfast I mean cheesy scrambled eggs, two pancakes, and... cocktail weenies? The pancakes were perfection.

Robbie had an omelet that came with french fries instead of hash browns.

 After breakfast, we took Mary Poppins' advice and fed the birds.

They didn't seem to mind gluten free cookie crumbs.

I told Robbie that I would be okay with him opening a practice in Puerto Rico when he's done with school.

This Starbucks looked small from the outside, but it just kept going back and back with room after room of sitting areas.

Starbucks Support Center: for coffee addicts perhaps?

After a fun morning in Old San Juan, we decided to head back to our hotel and change to go to the beach. On our way, we passed by the Capital.

My dad let us borrow his GoPro camera so we had fun playing in the waves with it.

The surf was a little too rough for getting underwater shots since it was kicking up so much sand.

After a few hours of swimming, we settled in to the bar at The Atlantic Beach Hotel where they had an amazing Happy Hour.

Our view of the beach was fantastic!

In total, we had three pina coladas, a daiquiri, three mojitos, and an order of french fries over the course of several hours and our total bill was only $20. Talk about an awesome Happy Hour!!

It was so relaxing and romantic to watch the sun go down as we enjoyed our drinks.

 After a long day at the beach, we headed back to our hotel and freshened up to go out to dinner on our final night there. We ended up at a Mexican restaurant called "Cielito Lindo" or "Pretty Little Heaven." The owner was awesome and actually had a whole conversation with me in Spanish (something I had been wanting to do the whole trip). Overall I would say this was definitely the best trip Robbie and I have gone on together, by far! I definitely recommend visiting if you have a chance!

Laying Bricks

If you have read my blog for long, you probably know that I have a love for Proverbs. One that keeps coming to my mind this morning says:

"The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." -Proverbs 14:1

Whenever I read that verse, I get a picture in my head of a woman building a brick house. She carefully places each brick to get a perfect seal with the mortar to ensure that her finished house will have strong walls. Even though it is so painstaking for her to place each brick correctly, she intermittently will pull a few bricks back off the wall and toss them aside.

It sounds so stupid when we picture it that way, but this Proverb reveals that many of us have a tendency to do just that in our own marriage. We put time and energy and love and sacrifice into our marriages to build them up and make them strong. Then, for whatever reason, we foolishly do things that tear our hard work back down again.

An opportunity came up last night for me to choose between placing bricks or tearing them down. I have a cold and Robbie made me some chicken noodle soup. I regret to say that instead of simply expressing my appreciation, I began to critique him on how he could've made it a little bit better. Next time, maybe cook the noodles separately and then add them to the soup when we're ready to eat so they won't be so mushy. It could use some more chicken, too. Why are the carrots and celery chopped so big? There go a few of my bricks. I cringe at myself this morning thinking about it.

The problem is, I can't just fix myself. I can't decide that from here on out, I'm going to express my appreciation more and my dissatisfaction less. My words aren't the problem; they are a symptom of the problem. Ultimately, it's my heart that needs fixing. Jesus explained this in Matthew 15:17-19.

"Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies."

What he's saying is that my words are a reflection of the attitudes and beliefs I hold in my heart. If, in my heart, I'm an unforgiving and bitter person, it will come out in my words at some point, perhaps as sarcasm or angry comments. If I'm a controlling person in my heart, my words will be bossy and nit-picking. If I believe in my heart that I have no value, my words will be self-depricating (or they may swing to the opposite side of the pendulum and be constantly self-praising in an attempt to cover my low self-image).

In my case, my heart idolizes perfectionism. I want things to be just how I want them so my words express dissatisfaction and discontent when my standards aren't met. My heart also clings to being comfortable. When I'm  hanging out with a person who's making inappropriate jokes or gossiping about someone, my words come out as people pleasing to avoid confrontation and an uncomfortable situation. Instead of standing up for truth, I remain silent or, worse yet, join in with the gossip.

So what's the solution? Jesus tells us in John 15:4-5.

"Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing."

The Greek word for abide is meno which means to remain, to stay, to wait for, or to be held/kept continually. My pastor always described it as "soaking in God's presence." The way to fix the perfectionism in my heart is to spend time with the One who is Himself perfect and yet is full of grace for those like me, the imperfect. The way to get rid of my idol of comfort is to hang out with the One who regularly had uncomfortable conversations regarding sin and yet was a magnet to sinners.

Meditating on His word reminds me that He laid aside all comfort to endure crucifixion on my behalf. The more I am "held continually" by that thought, the more I fall in love with Him. The more I fall in love with Him, the more I want to spend time with Him. It's a vicious cycle really.

Maybe you feel like you've been pulling so many bricks from your marriage that it doesn't even resemble a house anymore. Maybe your marriage looks more like a pile of ruins at this point. Take heart! Jesus came to restore and to bring life and to set free. Ask Him for forgiveness, acknowledge that only He can change your heart, and then ask Him to direct you in what to do next.

"Then I shall sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh... On the day that I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will also enable you to dwell in the cities and the ruins shall be rebuilt." -Ezekiel 36:25-26,33