The First 6 Months of Mommyhood

We've officially survived the first six months of parenthood! I'm not going to lie, guys; it was really rough! I can without hesitation say that lack of sleep makes me a different person. Months 4 and 5 were especially difficult as I was dealing with post-partum depression and I'm just now finally starting to feel like I'm coming out of that dark hole.

Counting Down

Guys, next week is Thanksgiving already! Two weeks after that Robbie's semester will end and he'll take the NBDE part II. Two weeks after that he starts his final semester of Dental School!!! I don't think there can be enough exclamation points on that sentence.

Where did the past 3.5 years go? Didn't we just finish the application and interview process not that long ago? And now we just ordered his Senior photos!

Freaking adorable if I do say so myself.

Two Semesters Left

We're finally here-- the first day of Robbie's 4th year in Dental School! Summer semester was lost in the haze of newborn land. Robbie was able to arrange to have his summer break (yes... two whole weeks! wow!) moved from the end of the summer to the beginning so he would have time off when Jubilee was born. This meant that his first ACTS rotation was moved to the end of the summer instead. He was also able to work it out with the school to have several of his ACTS rotations in or around Fort Collins so we have been able to spend a lot of time with our families.

Update About My Mom

Last August my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. See my first post about it here. I am excited to share that she is now almost completely done with all her treatment (which included chemo, radiation, surgery, and hormone therapy) and her doctor informed her that they could no longer see any cancer! Since finishing the full chemo treatments, her hair has grown back and she is doing really well. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words over the past year.

Here she is back in April, back to her usual crazy self!

Our Birth Story

PREPARATION:
Before we were even pregnant I knew I wanted to aim for a non-medicated birth. I could write a whole blog post about this topic, but for the sake of keeping this brief(ish), my main reasons were:

1) I wanted the benefits of being able to walk and move around during labor and to birth in whatever position I wanted (ie. not on my back).

2) I wanted to be able to listen to my body's natural pushing cues/rhythm to avoid tearing more than necessary

3) Epidurals can slow down labor, sometimes leading to a cascade of interventions that might have otherwise been avoided (ex. pitocin, vacuum extraction, c-section, etc.).

4) When I weighed the benefit of an epidural (less pain) with the potential risks (drop in blood pressure, severe headache, loss of bladder control, itchy skin, back pain, increased risk of cesarean, etc), I felt that the benefit just wasn't that great.

Spring Semester of 3rd Year

A lot has happened since I last wrote but I want to get this post up that I've had sitting in the queue for several weeks. Robbie's spring semester of 3rd year is over! After a week of finals followed by a week where he had clinic all day, every day, he finally got a break. It was actually his first full week of just doing Dentistry since he started. At CU, they don't get any of their summers off so there are 11 semesters in total (he has now completed 8 of the 11!). It's unbelievable to look back and see how far he has come! It's even more unbelievable that he now has just three semesters to go! The 4th years just graduated at the end of May so I feel like I can officially call him a 4th year Dental Student.

One of the things that made spring semester of 3rd year feel different from previous semesters is that the students started completing restorative competencies. A competency is a graded assessment of different Dental skills you are required to have before you graduate. Each procedure has a certain number of competencies you must complete in order to meet the requirements and before challenging a competency, you have to complete that procedure a certain number of times. For example, the students must complete 7 quadrants (1/4 of a person's mouth) of periodontal scaling and root planing (commonly called a "deep cleaning") and then on their 8th quadrant, they can challenge the competency. For crowns, it's a 4 to 1 ratio.

Typically, you just have one faculty checking off your work but for a competency you must have two faculty separately grade your work. If you fail a competency more than a certain number of times, the school can require you to repeat a year of Dental School. In the rare case that you don't finish all of your competencies before graduation, you have to stay at the school and complete them before you can become a licensed Dentist (even if you passed your Board exams). This is how schools ensure that students have gained all the skills necessary to provide safe, quality treatment to their future patients.

Here are a few pictures from Spring semester:

Don't you love the artwork on the wall? My brother-in-law drew it! Anyways, here's Robbie working on some lab stuff for school.

Working on a wax-up

Me and my awesome supervisor on one of my last days at work

Me pretending to be sad as I throw away all of my old time cards from the past 2 years

Braxton-Hicks and Baby Kicks

At my last midwife appointment, I found out the exciting news that my Group B Strep test came back negative which means no IV needed during the birth! Woo hoo!

I've been able to get a few more things checked off my to-do list before Baby's arrival. I finally organized Baby's room by reworking the closet. We also nailed everything down with two wonderful Doulas who are going to tag-team the birth. I even started throwing a few things in my hospital bag.

Yesterday, my mom, sister, and nephew came up to visit and we went to a big indoor swim park in Arvada. They were making me laugh so hard I thought I might go into labor right there (luckily I didn't). Baby has been really active the last week and his/her kicks are getting really strong as evidenced by this video I uploaded.

I've also noticed an increase in the frequency and duration of Braxton-Hicks contractions, too. As my time for birth gets closer and closer, I've been experiencing a combination of both excitement and calm--excitement that we get to finally meet this little person that has been growing steadily inside me over the past 9 months and calm over the fact that we have surrounded ourselves with the support we need for this birth.

One thing I've done to prepare is to write down Bible verses on little cards so I can have something personal to meditate on while I go through labor.

Here are some of the verses I chose:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. -Colossians 3:15

Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. -Psalm 55:22

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

 My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. -Psalm 127:3

But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. -2 Chronicles 15:7

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD! -Psalm 27:13-14

 You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. -Psalm 32:7

By You I have been upheld from birth; You are He who took me out of my mother's womb. My praise shall be continually of You. -Psalm 71:6

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your savior... -Isaiah 43:2-3

There are so many unknowns that go into pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I feel that birth is meant to be untamed in a beautiful, messy sort of way. No matter how much I prepare, I am ultimately not in control and that's a good thing. When I try to take control, I am trying to be God.

How wonderful is it that God designed the first step into parenthood to be something we can't control? As a parent, I am charged with a lot of responsibilities (loving, guiding, feeding, protecting, serving, teaching, disciplining, etc.) but this little person's soul is not in my control. I cannot make them choose the right path in life. I cannot make them fall in love with God. And so, like childbirth, I prepare but, more than that, I trust.

Childbirth can be scary. Parenthood can be scary. Life can be scary! I trust my God because He has proved Himself trustworthy over and over in my life. It's not a trust that bad things can't or won't happen, but rather that no matter what happens He will use it for my good and His glory.

He loves this baby more than I or anyone else on this planet ever could.

Getting Ready for Baby

Tomorrow I'll be 36 weeks pregnant. I've already been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for months. Baby's head is down and engaged with my pelvis. We finished our Birth Boot Camp classes last month (which we loved, by the way). My birth plan is typed.

I still have a few things I would like to check off my mental to-do list, but honestly most of it isn't a big deal. For example, Baby's room currently looks like this:

Yes, that is all the stuff from my baby shower piled on a futon. But do I care? Not really. Baby is going to be spending the first part of life in our bedroom anyways so if I get to this pile soon, cool. If not, who cares? Really I just don't know where to put anything and this spot is the most out of the way at the moment.

We also are still figuring out our Doula situation.

Doula: "also known as a birth companion and post-birth supporter, is a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, and/or after childbirth, as well as her spouse and/or family, by providing physical assistance and emotional support." (thanks Wikipedia)

The first two Doulas we wanted to hire are both going to be out of town around the time I am due. They introduced us to another Doula, who is wonderful, but she's in school to become a Nurse-Midwife and is thinking we'll need a back-up Doula in case of a schedule conflict. Like I said, we're still figuring it out.

I also don't have much packed in my hospital bag yet. It's currently a duffel sitting on the floor of our bedroom with my hairdryer and straightener sitting in it. Yup, very prepared. I've browsed through many lists on Pinterest of what to pack, but most of them drive me insane with how over-prepared they are. A lot of them say to pack more than what I would pack to go on a week long vacation.

I guess now that I'm thinking about it, here are the things I plan to throw in:

• A couple nursing bras and pads
• My water bottle from Birth Boot Camp with the bendy straw for drinking in any position
• A couple snacky things to munch on while I labor
• Snacks for Robbie
• My birth ball (although that won't be in the bag because it's already inflated)
• A couple tank tops
• A sweatshirt
• A pair of flip flops
• Maybe a bikini top for laboring in the tub (or maybe I'll just go naked. I do what I want)
• A pair of PJ pants
• Toothbrush/toothpaste
• One or two outfits for Baby to come home in

We're planning on laboring at home as long as possible before heading to the hospital and we only live 15 minutes away so if I desperately want something from the house, I'll probably just send someone to grab it.

I did really enjoy writing up our birth plan the other day. It helped to solidify in my mind the type of birth experience we are wanting. We love the location we have chosen to give birth because they are very supportive of natural birth and have many mother-friendly practices (ie. allowing mom to eat/drink, skin to skin, water birth, low C-section rates, etc.). I think it's important for me to feel secure in the place I give birth without fear of being pressured into medically unnecessary interventions. At the same time, I trust them to give sound advice that is backed by research should a medical issue arise.

Here's a copy of our birth wishes (with some of our personal information removed of course!).

 Alright, maybe I'll go pack my hospital bag now. Or not.

Successful Motherhood

There are so many different requirements pushed on moms these days of what it means to be a successful mother. A lot of it is based on what our society values but even within a single society there are sub-cultures that value completely different things. Depending on who you talk to, being a successful mother may mean...

• Your child gets the best education
• Your child only eats organic foods (or gluten-free foods or GMO-free foods or foods purchased locally, etc)
• You can maintain a successful career outside the home
• Your child excels in sports
• You are there for their every need 100% of the time
• Your child thinks you're cool and calls you her best friend
• Your child is a law abiding citizen who breaks out in a rash if they even think about breaking a rule
• Your child is a free thinker who isn't bound by the rules of society
• You can run a marathon 2 months after giving birth
• Your child grows up to earn a Nobel Prize in physics
• Your child is a prodigy violin/piano/chess/trumpet/guitar/etc player
• Your child chooses a "good" career when they grow up
• Your child is popular in school
• Your child grows up in a stable home

Do any of these strike a chord with you? I know for certain that some of them will NEVER happen in my family (ie. me running a marathon), some of them MAY happen (ie. my child excelling in sports--their dad was a Decathlete after all), and I will try very hard to make the last one happen.

As each day brings me closer and closer to becoming a mom, I find myself wondering what will define success for me. What do I value most and desire to provide for my child above anything else?

In meditating on this question, I realized that I would personally sum up successful motherhood with this one sentence.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue. -Proverbs 31:26

Wisdom is much more than just being an intelligent person. In fact, I believe that there are many people who could be considered some of the smartest in the world but they completely lack wisdom. At the same time, there are some who have never had a formal education and may not even be able to read, yet they embody true wisdom.

The dictionary defines wisdom as "the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement." I would take it a step further and say that it is the act of actually applying that experience, knowledge, and good judgement. I may know the right thing to do or say in a given situation, but if I don't act on that knowledge then I am being unwise.

In Proverbs 31:26, the Hebrew word translated as 'kindness' is chesed and it is one of my favorite words on the planet! The dictionary defines kindness as "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate" but chesed is even better than that.

Chesed is frequently spoken of in the Bible as one of God's attributes. English translations use the words grace, mercy, compassion, loving-kindness, steadfast love, and covenant love to help us grasp the concept.

So whether my child is popular or not, whether they like sports or computers or painting or none of the above, whether or not I am able to stay in excellent shape or retire from a successful career, I won't consider myself a success or a failure.

Instead, I will consider myself a successful mother when I draw upon God's wisdom to guide my child and when my own life displays and points to the incredible covenant-love of Jesus.

After Dental School

It feels strange to be thinking about what our next step after Dental School will be since Robbie is still in his 3rd year. The general consensus we have heard from the faculty at the school is that by summer of your 3rd year you should have a pretty good idea of what your next step will be. I don't think it has to be anything set in stone, but knowing this far in advance will give you the time to complete any requirements before graduation.

For example, if you're wanting to specialize (Ortho, Endo, Oral Surgery, Prosth, etc.), do a GPR (General Practice Residency), or do an AEGD (Advanced Education in General Dentistry), there is an application process just like when you applied to Dental School.

There are dozens of options for directions a Dentist can take his career after school. The American Student Dental Association has an excellent website about Dental career paths. Here's the link. It includes a whole range of information from going into private practice to working for the military to teaching.

Robbie has always leaned towards private practice, especially if we can get back towards the Fort Collins area (where our families live). But opening a practice right out of Dental School is expensive and extremely stressful. A lot of the faculty have recommended what's called a Buy In/Buy Out or Delayed Buy Out. What this involves is finding a Dentist who is towards the later end of his/her career who is looking to retire but not immediately. You work with him/her to transition the practice ownership over time. Typically it starts with the new Dentist working as an associate for a year or two. After that time period, if both parties are still happy working together, the associate then buys a portion of the practice and they become co-owners. After another period of time (typically another 1-2 years), the new Dentist then buys the rest of the practice and the original owner retires.

What Robbie and I find most appealing about this set-up is that the practice owner has a mentor-type relationship to the new Dentist. The long-held patients of the original Dentist are able to get to know the new Dentist and build a trusting relationship prior to the retirement of the original Dentist. This option also saves you from having to start a practice from scratch and enables you to pay off some school debt without the added pressure of an additional $250,000 practice loan right off the bat.

There are, of course, many other paths to getting into private practice, but this is the situation that sounds most ideal for Robbie and I. Networking will be key over the coming months in order to build relationships with Dentists who are looking to retire in the appropriate time frame. We know that this may not be the path at all that God wants us to take so I need to keep praying that He will give us flexible hearts and the patience to wait for Him to show us the right way.

We've experienced a few seasons of crossroads in our marriage where big decisions needed to be made and God came through for us every single time! There are many Proverbs about decision making that I find comforting.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the road to death. -Proverbs 14:12

This verse reminds me that just because an opportunity seems ideal, doesn't mean it is. I don't have to stress over what-ifs and "missed opportunities" because God may have just been protecting me from making a really bad decision. He sees the end from the beginning which is a much better vantage point than what I am capable of having. When we were trying to buy a house, we kept putting offers in on places we liked and would immediately be outbid. It was incredibly frustrating and stressful. But looking at this verse, I realize that all those other places seemed right for us at the time, but God had the perfect home for us already picked out.

A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

This verse brought me a lot of comfort when Robbie didn't get in the first time he applied to Dental School. In His infinite wisdom and love for us, God knew that waiting another year would be much better. And it was! I see so many benefits we reaped from having to wait another year. We saved money, Robbie got experience in a Dental office, and we were able to participate in a newlywed Bible study that we otherwise would've missed.

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. -Proverbs 11:14

I've written before about a mentor of mine, Jolly, who instilled in me my love for Proverbs. One thing he especially emphasized was getting advice from wise people when facing big decisions. It's important that you don't just surround yourself with people who say what you want to hear. I can name at least 8 people in my life who I know would tell me straight if I was making a bad decision. It might be frustrating and it might even hurt to hear what they have to say, but being able to accept rebuke from wise counsel is a sign of maturity and will help keep you from making really bad decisions.

Before I started working at the Dental School, I was offered a job at the Disney Store. It seemed like the ideal job for me! Part-time, working in a toy store, and, oh yeah, DISNEY!!! The day I was supposed to start there, I received a call from the Dental School offering me a position as a Dental Assistant. It was 40 hours a week, which was not what I really wanted plus I was intimidated about working as an assistant to so many different Dentists. We talked with both Robbie's parents and my parents and unanimously they recommended taking the position at the Dental School.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I took their advice, even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Working at the Dental School was one of the biggest blessings I could imagine while Robbie was going through 2nd and 3rd year. It gave us more time together, strengthening our marriage. It helped Robbie build relationships with some amazing faculty who he might not have gotten to know as well if he wasn't in my clinic as much. It also enabled us to be financially stable enough to buy our house and get pregnant! We would've missed out on all these things had I chosen the Disney Store.

So as you approach times of big decisions, let me encourage you that God knows which decisions are good and which lead to death. He wants to guide you to the right decisions through spending time with Him and seeking wise counsel. I want to finish by saying that even if you do make a bad decision, God is still faithful!

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong because the LORD is the one who holds his hand. -Psalm 37:23-24

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog!

If you aren't familiar with the nursery rhyme I am quoting in the title of this post, here's the full rhyme:

To market, to market to buy a fat pig. Home again, home again, jiggity jig. To market, to market to buy a fat hog. Home again, home again, jiggity jog.

I thought the title was appropriate not only because we just got home from our Spring Break trip to Las Vegas but because I am officially a stay-at-home wife again! It felt extremely weird the last two days dropping Robbie off at the Dental School then proceeding back home to do stuff around the house. It felt like I was playing hooky from work!

For those of you who are just discovering my blog, I have worked at the Dental School for the past year and a half. We are due with our first child in mid-May and I decided to leave work a little early to have some time to prepare before Baby comes. It felt bittersweet leaving my job as I've met so many wonderful people and have loved the extra time I got with Robbie during the day. (Not to mention we will slightly miss that paycheck I was getting each month!)

It really does feel incredible to be back at home again, though! When I picked Robbie up yesterday he jokingly asked if the house was clean and if I had gone grocery shopping. Surprise! Yes I did actually clean the house and go grocery shopping, Mr. Marin! You are welcome. :) Robbie also pointed out how much happier I seem the last few days. It probably has more to do with not having to get up at 5:30 and trying to pack enough snacks to keep me fed the whole day and that I can drink water whenever I want (we aren't allowed to have drinks in the clinic area). Aside from those reasons, I do get a great sense of satisfaction out of making my home feel like a home. I love having the time and energy to have meals ready when Robbie gets off, too.

In no way do I feel like there is an expectation that I need to be at home. If anything, I feel that society has swung so far in the other direction that now it devalues women who decide to stay at home because they aren't properly "contributing to society." Because a paying career is the only thing that gives people value and purpose, don't you know? Okay, rant over. Back to happy thoughts.

Like I said earlier, we just got back from Vegas. I guess the term Babymoon applies since it will be our last trip before Baby comes. We stayed at the Trump Hotel which was wonderful. We did end up doing a lot more walking than we had planned so that was exhausting (especially at 7 months pregnant). Here's a few snapshots from our trip:

Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay

Of course had to take a few mermaid-y maternity photos

Panoramic view from the Bellagio

Visiting Carlo's Bake Shop (any Cake Boss fans out there?) in the Venetian

Lobster tails!!!!!!

It was the most delicious thing ever!

Waiting for the Tournament of Kings dinner show to start in the Excalibur Hotel. You eat with your hands!

You can't visit Vegas without watching the Bellagio fountains at least once

Have a wonderful week! Now that I'm home I hope to be able to blog more. Until next time!

Exciting News

The past few months have been a whirlwind for us! Robbie finished first semester of 3rd year last month and we've been thoroughly enjoying Christmas break with our families. It's crazy to think that spring semester starts in just a few more days but even crazier when I realize that at the end of the semester we'll be having a baby!

That's right-- we're pregnant! My estimated due date is May 12, just two days after Mother's Day. Weeks 6-18 of my pregnancy I experienced severe morning sickness all day, every day. Then on the first day of week 19 I turned a huge corner and started feeling a million times better. I still get the occasional day where I feel a little nauseous, but I'm so thankful to be out of the worst of it.

On December 31, baby started bouncing around in a noticeable way and on New Year's Day baby greeted me in the morning by kicking my hand on the side of my belly. What an amazing way to start the new year! I'm in awe of the fact that there is a little soul growing inside me! We aren't finding out the gender until they are born so it's fun to think about who this little person might be. What will their personality be like? What will their hopes and dreams be?

My tummy has been steadily growing and I love looking on my "I'm Expecting" app to get a rough idea of how he/she is developing. This week, Baby is about the size of a carrot and his/her eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair are beginning to come in! We've been taking pictures each week so I can look back on the growth of my tummy.

We've decided not to get an ultrasound unless a medical need arises so I won't have any in-the-womb pictures to share. It adds even more to my anticipation for the day we finally meet our new little friend and Robbie shouts, "It's a ______!" That hasn't kept me from looking up the funny gender predictors that are all over the internet. Here's the results of a few of them:

• Chinese Gender Predictor Chart (claiming to be 90% accurate haha)-- GIRL
• Wedding Ring on a String (I used floss instead of string so hopefully it didn't skew the results)-- GIRL
• Cravings-- This was hard to call because it has gone back and forth some. Overall, I have been craving citrus (especially oranges) and sweeter foods which, according to the all-reliable internet, means I'm having a GIRL
• Morning Sickness-- GIRL

When I ask our friends and family, every single person has predicted a girl except one and, honestly, they all have a 50% chance of being right. Only God knows who this little person will grow to be. We'll just have to wait and see!