Update About My Mom

Last August my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. See my first post about it here. I am excited to share that she is now almost completely done with all her treatment (which included chemo, radiation, surgery, and hormone therapy) and her doctor informed her that they could no longer see any cancer! Since finishing the full chemo treatments, her hair has grown back and she is doing really well. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words over the past year.

Here she is back in April, back to her usual crazy self!

Something Personal

I've been going back and forth about whether to write about this on my blog, but I really feel the need to share something about what's been going on in my family.

Several weeks ago, we found out that my mom has stage 2 breast cancer. There has been a lot of cancer in my family tree (skin, ovarian, lung, breast, etc.) so I don't feel like the concept is foreign to any of us; however, what really makes it hit home on a personal level is that my mom's mom passed away from breast cancer 15 years ago. I was still pretty young so I only have sheltered memories of what my family went through at that time, but I'm observant enough to know that facing the same disease has stirred up a lot of old questions and emotions

My mom and I are very different people. She thinks out loud; I'm more of an internal processor. She's an extrovert; I'm an introvert. She wears her emotions on her sleeve; I tend to bottle things up inside. She's an amazing cook; I'm good at making sandwiches. She's infinitely servant-hearted; I have a lot of selfish tendencies. But in spite of all our differences, I absolutely love being around her. I love seeing how crazy she'll act in public just to get her grandchildren to laugh. I love when Robbie acts like I starve him to death so my mom will make him a gluten-free feast to make up for my (alleged) neglect. She is one of those people who gets all her satisfaction out of seeing the needs of other people met.

And that is exactly why it is so hard to be up here in Denver working full time while she goes through all of her treatments. I long to return some of her kindness in a small way by giving her shoulder and foot rubs. I want to be there to clean her house for her because she doesn't have the energy. I want to bring her drinks and snacks and read her books to keep her mind off things. It kills me to think of her being in any pain.

I'm not sure what most people do when they feel helpless to help someone they love. The feeling would completely overwhelm me if it weren't for the unshakable peace that comes from knowing that God loves her even more than I do. God has proven over and over to me in personal ways that He is the very definition of faithful, just, and good.

Not only that, but he knows how all the pieces are meant to fit together. While I have the limited perspective of this moment, He has eternal perspective and is able to see our lives from beginning to end. Psalm 139 says:

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it...

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

I don't know all the plans He has for my mom, but I am convinced that whatever happens, He is able to make it glorious.

Babies. Everywhere.

Last weekend, Robbie was busy studying so I took the opportunity to head up to Fort Collins to celebrate my mom's birthday with my family. All three of my sisters were able to come to dinner and it was the first time I had all three of my niblings in one place.

Niblings: (plural noun) nieces and nephews; the children of your siblings

In the past year, all three of my older sisters gave birth to their first child. In addition to our two awesome nephews from Robbie's sister, I now have one niece (Olive) and two more nephews (Luke and Henry).

Left to right: Deborah holding Henry, Altair holding Luke, and Ariane holding Olive

It's been incredible seeing each of my sisters transition into motherhood, but it has shown me just how not ready to be a mommy I am. Maybe it's that 2nd year has been especially difficult but the idea of going through all the hormonal changes and needing to care for a little life who is completely dependent on me just doesn't feel as urgent as it used to. Anyone who has known me for more than a few years would probably be shocked to hear me say that; I have been talking about being a stay at home mom since I was in 9th grade! It's possible that Jesus is just teaching me how to be more content wherever He has me and perhaps, in a few years, he'll renew that desire in me to be a mom. For now, though, I'm content being the well-rested Auntie who sings Disney songs to the niblings.

Side by Side

I'm excited to share that I recently stumbled across the website for a group that is a ministry of the Christian Medical and Dental Association. The group is called Side by Side and, as their website explains, it is specifically for "women who are married to medical and dental students, residents, fellows, as well as staff physicians and dentists." I was able to get in contact with my local chapter and attended their first meeting for the school year on November 2nd.

Ever since Robbie started school, I have been trying to find a way to connect with as many other wives as possible who are in similar situations. I have met a few other Dental School wives through this blog and I know some of Robbie's classmate's wives, but I have yet to be able to enjoy regular hang-out time with a group of them. All the ladies that came were super friendly and I enjoyed hearing a little bit about each of their experiences.

On the downside, I was the only one there whose husband was in Dental School instead of Medical School. On the plus-side, hearing about the length of the Medical School process reminded me of how grateful I should be that Dental School is only four years, that a residency is not required, and that Dentistry in general is an extremely family-friendly field. I hope to get a few more of my fellow Dental School wives to start going with me to the biweekly meetings.

For my fellow Dental School wives reading this, you should check out Side by Side's website to see if there is a chapter in your area and let me know how things go for you!

Where Did the Week Go?!

It's June 3rd already? Seriously?! This past week feels like a whirlwind. Robbie had a little time off from school so everything else got moved to the back burner while I was spending time with him, including writing blog posts. He's back in school now so here's a catch up on my week!

Last Monday I got to have breakfast with my bestie, Jeanette. We were next door neighbors growing up so I have basically known her since she was born. Now we both live in Denver, but we live on completely opposite sides and she is really busy finishing up her Masters degree so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. I went to her house and we went for a long walk and caught up on our life sagas then we ate at Jelly Cafe (which makes this the 4th time in the last month and a half I have eaten there... It's my new favorite breakfast place and they offer gluten free donuts for Robbie!).

Jeanette is the type of friend with whom, even when you haven't seen each other in a long time, you can immediately pick up where you left off like you never spent time apart. I was the youngest of four girls and she is almost two years younger than me, so she's like the little sister I never had.

This is a pic of Jeanette and me when we went to see the Nutcracker Ballet this past December. Apparently we don't take enough pictures of the two of us because this is the most recent one I have! haha

On Monday afternoon, Robbie and I went to a BBQ at a fellow Dental Student's house. The next day, we babysat their two girls again and had a blast!

Making playdough flower gardens

Feeding bread to the geese at the park

Playing "Tea Party" on the playground. Robbie barely fit at the table.

I really don't remember what we did on Wednesday or Thursday. It probably involved Robbie studying and me playing Tomb Raider II. We also watched the movie Django Unchained which I enjoyed though it does have quite a bit of blood and cussing (viewer discretion is advised).

Friday afternoon we drove to Fort Collins so I could take some maternity photos at a sculpture park for my sister, Ariane. Here are a few of my favorites:

Friday night and all day Saturday were pretty awful because I caught a stomach bug. I'm still feeling a little sick, but I've been taking probiotics and I drank some Rooibos tea which both seemed to help a lot. Of course since I mentioned being sick on Facebook, everyone and their mom is like, "Are you pregnant?!" No, thanks for asking though. haha

Yesterday, Robbie and I went to see the movie Mud at the theater. It was a little slow at parts but was really well acted and had an intriguing plot. I really liked the way it ended, too. Robbie is back in school today and had a test first thing this morning in Periodontics. His birthday is coming up really soon so I'm trying to think of something fun we could do together. I'll let you know what I come up with!

Baby Shower

What a busy weekend! My sister Deborah was in town from Las Vegas so my mom, my sister Ariane, and her husband Randy, and I went to Boulder with her to eat at Crepes a la Carte. We also got to have my favorite chai in the world at the Dushanbe Tea House.

My mom and Deborah outside of Dushanbe.

Me "smiling" for the camera, Ariane and her husband Randy behind me and my mom on the right.

On Sunday, we threw the baby shower for Ariane at my sister Altair's house.

That is in fact a giant uterus on the wall. I made it so we could play pin the sperm on the uterus! Everyone got a sperm to put their name on and taped it on the uterus, then the mom-to-be closed her eyes and taped an egg on the uterus. The person whose sperm was closest to the egg won $5 to a frozen yogurt place.

Deborah made bubble bath punch. You put sherbet in the punch and it gets all foamy and bubbly.

We decorated onesies. These were the ones her guests made. The "Miso Cute" one was the winner and received a $5 Starbucks gift card. :)

An adorable fat kitty that Deborah painted

An olive riding a chicken (the baby's name is going to be Olive and Ariane has a bunch of chickens)

Another onesie I made just telling it how it is.

This one is my favorite that I made. It's Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars! Once it's dry I'm going to write "It's a crap!" on the bum. If you get this joke pat yourself on the back because you are a nerd.

As you can probably guess, decorating the onesies was my favorite activity. We also did a Mad Lib that Deborah and I wrote about Olive and we played Baby Scattergories. Overall, I think it went really well but by the end of the day I was absolutely exhausted.

I barely got to see Robbie at all this past weekend because I was so busy with family so it's nice to be back at home with him now. While I was at the baby shower, he got to hang out with his family and see the new Star Trek. Robbie's been hard at work studying for the Boards using that application I mentioned in a previous post. He also told me that they had their first periodontics lab today. Dental School just keeps moving right along!

In-Laws

I came across an article on Yahoo the other day that was about "10 Things Never to Say to Your Mother In Law." It included things such as "I didn't ask your opinion," "Why didn't you teach your son to..." and "I hope I inherit your armoire." I felt it was a straightforward article that was simply trying to get across the point that you shouldn't be mean to your MIL. Boy did it strike a chord with some of the people who commented on the article though! There were some truly vicious comments people left about their MIL's and I just couldn't stop thinking about the whole topic for the last several days. I am very fortunate in that I get along really well with my in-laws, but even if you don't see eye to eye with your spouse's family, here's a few of thoughts that might help:

1) I am called to show the love of Jesus to everyone, no matter who they are or how they behave.

As a Christian, I believe I am called to live in a way that shines Jesus' love to everyone I come in contact with, whether that is the teller at my bank, the homeless person on the corner of the street, the atheist who cusses me out and mocks my beliefs, the barista who makes my coffee at Starbucks, or my Mother in Law.

"You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing out of the ordinary? Don't even the Gentiles do the same?" -Matthew 5:43-47 (Holman Christian Standard translation)

I'm not called to simply tolerate or put up with other people, I'm called to love them the way Jesus loves them. The Bible gives us an excellent description of what Jesus' love looks like in action. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that when we love someone, we will be patient with them, we will be kind to them, we won't envy what they have, we won't brag about ourselves to them or be focused on ourselves when interacting with them, we won't act improperly around them, we won't be easily provoked by them, and we won't keep a mental record of any way they have wronged us. 

2) The only thing that can enable me to truly love others is to spend time alone in the presence of God, getting to know Him and receiving His love.

I don't know about you, but showing Biblical love can seem really difficult (if not impossible) at times. The only way we can love others like this is to have been in the presence of Jesus, receiving His love. When I realize the fullness of God's love for me, it transforms me and overflows to the people around me.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God's love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another... We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:7-11, 19

3) The only actions I am accountable for are my own but God can use my actions to change another person.

The only person's actions I can control are my own. God calls me to trust Him to hold others accountable for their actions and to leave justice up to Him.

"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the LORD. 'But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." -Romans 12:17-21

I especially love the part that says, "So far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." I have experienced such great freedom in the realization that I am only responsible for me. If I have done everything within my power to be loving and kind towards someone, yet they still choose to repay me with hostility/meanness/rudeness, that's on them.

Our culture teaches us that if someone hurts us, we have every right to get back at them. But God offers us a higher road to take. If we choose to show kindness to someone who doesn't deserve it, God can use that to deeply convict that person and possibly bring about a change in them. If you can grasp a hold of how much of a power bomb kindness is, how much more effective it is than retaliation and bitterness, it will change your life.

4) My relationship with my Mother In Law does not have to go along with the world's expectations.

Just because the world's expectation is that the relationship between a man's wife and his mother will more than likely be strained, competitive, conniving, etc. it does not mean I have to go that route and feed the stereotype. In fact, the story of one of the most beautiful relationships between two women can be found in the Book of Ruth between Ruth (a Moabitess) and Naomi, her Jewish Mother In Law. Naomi lived in Moab with her husband, their two sons, and their sons' wives for 10 years but after her husband and sons died, she decided to return to the land of Judah. Her Daughter In Law, Orpah, decides to go her separate way, but Ruth makes a beautiful declaration.

"But Ruth said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.' When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her."

I realize more and more that my Mother In Law is a woman, just like me, has fears and desires and hopes, just like me, and needs the love and grace of God, just like me. She wants to feel needed, included, valued, and respected. What woman doesn't?! The more I see her through Jesus' eyes, the more my friendship with her and love for her can grow.

Some of the things I appreciate about my MIL are that: 1) She raised the man I love and played a part in helping him become all of the things I so appreciate about him. 2) She is really good at asking questions and showing interest in what's going on in my life. 3) She has amazing gardening knowledge (something I could definitely learn from her about since I always kill my plants). 4) She is really good at coming up with practical solutions to problems.

My dad told me that my mom's mom always said to him, "I don't like being called your Mother In Law. I prefer Mother In Love," meaning that her relationship to him was so much more than just a slip of paper that said he was married to her daughter. I pray that I can be a Mother In Love to my children's spouses someday!

Robbie and I with his family at our wedding. My MIL is in the red and my FIL is on the far left.