It's difficult to know what to specifically write about 2nd year that most people haven't heard already. It was hard for us. At times it was painful. It was definitely emotionally draining. But I also believe it was a defining period of our marriage.
Until this past year, Robbie and I have had pretty smooth sailing in our marriage. Yes, applying to Dental School was pretty demanding. Living on a very small income when we were first married was a challenge. Moving in with my in-laws for a year while maintaining healthy boundaries was a little stressful at times. But 2nd year of Dental School was the first time in our marriage that I felt we were both stretched beyond what we thought were our breaking points.
Robbie frequently expressed that what made it so stressful was how he never felt caught up. No matter how hard he worked and how much time he put in, he was constantly being thrown into situations, tests, practicals, etc. for which he didn't feel prepared. The moment he began to feel like he was starting to get the hang of something, they switched gears and started learning something else. It was a complete confidence killer.
At the same time, I felt exhausted from work. I missed being at home and having the energy and desire to go grocery shopping, plan healthy meals, and exercise. Laundry piled up. We ate out more frequently than I care to remember. I felt like I was failing as a wife because I couldn't do many of the things I longed to do in order to help Robbie get through this difficult year.
On top of it all, rent prices continued to climb so we made the decision it was time to buy. We were completely blindsided by how difficult it would be to find and buy our first home. Why did I never learn actual valuable life knowledge in college? Why did no one teach me what types of mortgages are available and how to apply for them? Should I go with a private lending company or a bank? What is the difference between a town home and a condo anyway? What is mortgage insurance? These types of things may be common knowledge to someone who studies finance or realty but our learning curve was quite steep.
Let's just say I'd rather have a double IA block every morning for a year than go through that again anytime soon (ask your Dental Student if you aren't familiar with that). I felt at times it would never end and yet the days marched on. I remember crying a lot. I remember feeling horribly guilty after snapping at Robbie (again) over something stupid. I remember wondering where my husband's energy, humor, and playfulness had gone and feeling like I had become the grouchiest, neediest wife on the planet. There were a lot of tearful apologies.
But there was also a lot of forgiveness. I remember tender moments when we both felt completely emotionally drained yet somehow God would be in the midst of it. The experiences of the days/weeks/months had put us at odds. Then a moment would come when we were truly vulnerable-- acknowledging the ways we had failed one another-- and God enabled us to speak grace. "I forgive you. We're going to get through this. I love you. I'm with you in this."
God was able to turn the struggles of 2nd year into something that knit us together more tightly as a couple. I'm more confident in our ability as a couple to make grown-up decisions. While I wouldn't jump at the chance of going through it again, I am able now to see the good that has come from this period of our lives and the importance of facing challenges together.
No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead. -Hebrews 12:11-13
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| About to get an IA block |
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| Ah, the awkward numb-jaw smile |
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