Successful Motherhood

There are so many different requirements pushed on moms these days of what it means to be a successful mother. A lot of it is based on what our society values but even within a single society there are sub-cultures that value completely different things. Depending on who you talk to, being a successful mother may mean...

• Your child gets the best education
• Your child only eats organic foods (or gluten-free foods or GMO-free foods or foods purchased locally, etc)
• You can maintain a successful career outside the home
• Your child excels in sports
• You are there for their every need 100% of the time
• Your child thinks you're cool and calls you her best friend
• Your child is a law abiding citizen who breaks out in a rash if they even think about breaking a rule
• Your child is a free thinker who isn't bound by the rules of society
• You can run a marathon 2 months after giving birth
• Your child grows up to earn a Nobel Prize in physics
• Your child is a prodigy violin/piano/chess/trumpet/guitar/etc player
• Your child chooses a "good" career when they grow up
• Your child is popular in school
• Your child grows up in a stable home

Do any of these strike a chord with you? I know for certain that some of them will NEVER happen in my family (ie. me running a marathon), some of them MAY happen (ie. my child excelling in sports--their dad was a Decathlete after all), and I will try very hard to make the last one happen.

As each day brings me closer and closer to becoming a mom, I find myself wondering what will define success for me. What do I value most and desire to provide for my child above anything else?

In meditating on this question, I realized that I would personally sum up successful motherhood with this one sentence.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue. -Proverbs 31:26

Wisdom is much more than just being an intelligent person. In fact, I believe that there are many people who could be considered some of the smartest in the world but they completely lack wisdom. At the same time, there are some who have never had a formal education and may not even be able to read, yet they embody true wisdom.

The dictionary defines wisdom as "the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement." I would take it a step further and say that it is the act of actually applying that experience, knowledge, and good judgement. I may know the right thing to do or say in a given situation, but if I don't act on that knowledge then I am being unwise.

In Proverbs 31:26, the Hebrew word translated as 'kindness' is chesed and it is one of my favorite words on the planet! The dictionary defines kindness as "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate" but chesed is even better than that.

Chesed is frequently spoken of in the Bible as one of God's attributes. English translations use the words grace, mercy, compassion, loving-kindness, steadfast love, and covenant love to help us grasp the concept.

So whether my child is popular or not, whether they like sports or computers or painting or none of the above, whether or not I am able to stay in excellent shape or retire from a successful career, I won't consider myself a success or a failure.

Instead, I will consider myself a successful mother when I draw upon God's wisdom to guide my child and when my own life displays and points to the incredible covenant-love of Jesus.

After Dental School

It feels strange to be thinking about what our next step after Dental School will be since Robbie is still in his 3rd year. The general consensus we have heard from the faculty at the school is that by summer of your 3rd year you should have a pretty good idea of what your next step will be. I don't think it has to be anything set in stone, but knowing this far in advance will give you the time to complete any requirements before graduation.

For example, if you're wanting to specialize (Ortho, Endo, Oral Surgery, Prosth, etc.), do a GPR (General Practice Residency), or do an AEGD (Advanced Education in General Dentistry), there is an application process just like when you applied to Dental School.

There are dozens of options for directions a Dentist can take his career after school. The American Student Dental Association has an excellent website about Dental career paths. Here's the link. It includes a whole range of information from going into private practice to working for the military to teaching.

Robbie has always leaned towards private practice, especially if we can get back towards the Fort Collins area (where our families live). But opening a practice right out of Dental School is expensive and extremely stressful. A lot of the faculty have recommended what's called a Buy In/Buy Out or Delayed Buy Out. What this involves is finding a Dentist who is towards the later end of his/her career who is looking to retire but not immediately. You work with him/her to transition the practice ownership over time. Typically it starts with the new Dentist working as an associate for a year or two. After that time period, if both parties are still happy working together, the associate then buys a portion of the practice and they become co-owners. After another period of time (typically another 1-2 years), the new Dentist then buys the rest of the practice and the original owner retires.

What Robbie and I find most appealing about this set-up is that the practice owner has a mentor-type relationship to the new Dentist. The long-held patients of the original Dentist are able to get to know the new Dentist and build a trusting relationship prior to the retirement of the original Dentist. This option also saves you from having to start a practice from scratch and enables you to pay off some school debt without the added pressure of an additional $250,000 practice loan right off the bat.

There are, of course, many other paths to getting into private practice, but this is the situation that sounds most ideal for Robbie and I. Networking will be key over the coming months in order to build relationships with Dentists who are looking to retire in the appropriate time frame. We know that this may not be the path at all that God wants us to take so I need to keep praying that He will give us flexible hearts and the patience to wait for Him to show us the right way.

We've experienced a few seasons of crossroads in our marriage where big decisions needed to be made and God came through for us every single time! There are many Proverbs about decision making that I find comforting.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the road to death. -Proverbs 14:12

This verse reminds me that just because an opportunity seems ideal, doesn't mean it is. I don't have to stress over what-ifs and "missed opportunities" because God may have just been protecting me from making a really bad decision. He sees the end from the beginning which is a much better vantage point than what I am capable of having. When we were trying to buy a house, we kept putting offers in on places we liked and would immediately be outbid. It was incredibly frustrating and stressful. But looking at this verse, I realize that all those other places seemed right for us at the time, but God had the perfect home for us already picked out.

A man's heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

This verse brought me a lot of comfort when Robbie didn't get in the first time he applied to Dental School. In His infinite wisdom and love for us, God knew that waiting another year would be much better. And it was! I see so many benefits we reaped from having to wait another year. We saved money, Robbie got experience in a Dental office, and we were able to participate in a newlywed Bible study that we otherwise would've missed.

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. -Proverbs 11:14

I've written before about a mentor of mine, Jolly, who instilled in me my love for Proverbs. One thing he especially emphasized was getting advice from wise people when facing big decisions. It's important that you don't just surround yourself with people who say what you want to hear. I can name at least 8 people in my life who I know would tell me straight if I was making a bad decision. It might be frustrating and it might even hurt to hear what they have to say, but being able to accept rebuke from wise counsel is a sign of maturity and will help keep you from making really bad decisions.

Before I started working at the Dental School, I was offered a job at the Disney Store. It seemed like the ideal job for me! Part-time, working in a toy store, and, oh yeah, DISNEY!!! The day I was supposed to start there, I received a call from the Dental School offering me a position as a Dental Assistant. It was 40 hours a week, which was not what I really wanted plus I was intimidated about working as an assistant to so many different Dentists. We talked with both Robbie's parents and my parents and unanimously they recommended taking the position at the Dental School.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I took their advice, even when it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Working at the Dental School was one of the biggest blessings I could imagine while Robbie was going through 2nd and 3rd year. It gave us more time together, strengthening our marriage. It helped Robbie build relationships with some amazing faculty who he might not have gotten to know as well if he wasn't in my clinic as much. It also enabled us to be financially stable enough to buy our house and get pregnant! We would've missed out on all these things had I chosen the Disney Store.

So as you approach times of big decisions, let me encourage you that God knows which decisions are good and which lead to death. He wants to guide you to the right decisions through spending time with Him and seeking wise counsel. I want to finish by saying that even if you do make a bad decision, God is still faithful!

The steps of a man are established by the LORD, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong because the LORD is the one who holds his hand. -Psalm 37:23-24

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog!

If you aren't familiar with the nursery rhyme I am quoting in the title of this post, here's the full rhyme:

To market, to market to buy a fat pig. Home again, home again, jiggity jig. To market, to market to buy a fat hog. Home again, home again, jiggity jog.

I thought the title was appropriate not only because we just got home from our Spring Break trip to Las Vegas but because I am officially a stay-at-home wife again! It felt extremely weird the last two days dropping Robbie off at the Dental School then proceeding back home to do stuff around the house. It felt like I was playing hooky from work!

For those of you who are just discovering my blog, I have worked at the Dental School for the past year and a half. We are due with our first child in mid-May and I decided to leave work a little early to have some time to prepare before Baby comes. It felt bittersweet leaving my job as I've met so many wonderful people and have loved the extra time I got with Robbie during the day. (Not to mention we will slightly miss that paycheck I was getting each month!)

It really does feel incredible to be back at home again, though! When I picked Robbie up yesterday he jokingly asked if the house was clean and if I had gone grocery shopping. Surprise! Yes I did actually clean the house and go grocery shopping, Mr. Marin! You are welcome. :) Robbie also pointed out how much happier I seem the last few days. It probably has more to do with not having to get up at 5:30 and trying to pack enough snacks to keep me fed the whole day and that I can drink water whenever I want (we aren't allowed to have drinks in the clinic area). Aside from those reasons, I do get a great sense of satisfaction out of making my home feel like a home. I love having the time and energy to have meals ready when Robbie gets off, too.

In no way do I feel like there is an expectation that I need to be at home. If anything, I feel that society has swung so far in the other direction that now it devalues women who decide to stay at home because they aren't properly "contributing to society." Because a paying career is the only thing that gives people value and purpose, don't you know? Okay, rant over. Back to happy thoughts.

Like I said earlier, we just got back from Vegas. I guess the term Babymoon applies since it will be our last trip before Baby comes. We stayed at the Trump Hotel which was wonderful. We did end up doing a lot more walking than we had planned so that was exhausting (especially at 7 months pregnant). Here's a few snapshots from our trip:

Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay

Of course had to take a few mermaid-y maternity photos

Panoramic view from the Bellagio

Visiting Carlo's Bake Shop (any Cake Boss fans out there?) in the Venetian

Lobster tails!!!!!!

It was the most delicious thing ever!

Waiting for the Tournament of Kings dinner show to start in the Excalibur Hotel. You eat with your hands!

You can't visit Vegas without watching the Bellagio fountains at least once

Have a wonderful week! Now that I'm home I hope to be able to blog more. Until next time!